The Power of Listening (Part 2)
If you read my last post (I apologize for the looong break- I was busy having a baby and taking care of a very fussy newborn!) then you know that listening is a communication skill and you also know that there are many obstacles that create barriers to effective listening. It is important to be aware of the listening process and the many interferences that come in the way of effective listening, but it is even more important to know how to improve and refine your listening skills. Understanding how to be an effective listener can be key to attaining professional success and can also have a positive impact on your various interpersonal relationships.
There are three basic steps you can take to be a more attentive listener.
1. Take Listening Seriously. Realize that it is your job to listen. If you are a student or an employee, listening should probably be written into your employment contract (or syllabus). Completing tasks effectively, reaching high productivity levels, or completing assignments successfully all rely on effective listening skills. It is a privilege that you are where you are (whether it be in the classroom or in an organization). There are many people who are unemployed or can't afford to go to college who would give anything to be able to communicate in a professional context. Be grateful that you have the chance to listen in the professional setting that you are in and take that responsibility seriously.
2. Resist distractions brought about by physical, physiological, and psychological noises! There will always be “noise” that distracts us from listening. It may be physical (the room is too hot for you or there is construction noises going on above you), it may be physiological (you are hungry or not feeling well), or even psychological (The presenter has an accent and you deem them to be unintelligent so you don’t’ listen). These noises are inevitable and will occur- but it is your job to try to negate them from interfering from your listening.
3. Active listening occurs when a person consciously tries to understand and remember what a speaker is saying. Half of the battle to being an effective listener is to be in the moment and mindful (actually trying to listen AND remember what is being said). We are physically present in our classes, meetings, or when talking with our friends and family- but just being physically present is not enough, you have to be mentally in tune with what is going on. You have to make a conscious effort to listen and remember what is being said. That means no more spacing out, day dreaming, or checking your Facebook feed during phone calls or presentations!
Active Listening is probably one of the most difficult strategies to implement into your everyday life. However, it is also the most important to achieve listening success! Keep reading to discover some strategies to be a more effective listener and keep in mind that and being an effective listener isn’t only important for those who have fancy jobs. These strategies can be put to use in every moment of our lives that we are communicating with others.
Active Listening Strategies
1. Pay Attention
Give the speaker your undivided attention. This means being mindful and in the moment. This means not allowing your thoughts to drift off into la-la land. This means not checking your email or social media. This means focusing on the message of the speaker and committing yourself to be in the moment. A LOT easier said than done!
2. Show That You're Listening
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention. Your nonverbal communication speaks loudly. You may want to nod occasionally, smile, and don’t forget to make eye contact!
3. Provide Feedback
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions. You may want to occasionally make verbal comments such as “uh huh”, or “yes” to let the speaker know that their message is being communicated the way they intended it to be. In a more intimate conversation you may want to paraphrase what is being said to make sure you are in tune with the speaker’s message by saying “What I’m hearing is, and “sounds like you are saying.”
4. Don’t interrupt.
I know it is hard, but sometimes we need to keep our mouths shut just for a little while. Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message. Try to allow the speaker to finish their points before interjecting or asking questions.
5. Avoid Personal Prejudice and Linguistic Stereotyping
Sometimes we can’t help but to let our prejudices get in the way of effective listening. Many times we tend to stereotype and label individuals who deviate from the normative speaking style to be unintelligent or not as credible. Sometimes we become irritated and let a person’s habits or mannerisms distract us from what they are really saying. Keep in mind that with the increasingly diverse population in our society, there will be increasingly diverse communication styles. Some people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some have regional accents, foreign accents, speak in different vernaculars (think Ebonics) or make excessive arm movements, etc. Don’t assume someone is not intelligent or credible just because they do not speak Standard English. Attempt to concentrate on what is being said rather than focusing on the verbal and nonverbal delivery style of the person. Don’t let your personal or societal prejudices be a barrier to effective communication.
6. Don’t be afraid of silence
If you are in deep conversation or dealing with sensitive subjects, don’t be afraid to have moments of silence while you let the information sink in before responding. Most people are not comfortable with silence and fill it with unnecessary talk. However, sometimes pauses and silence can work to our benefit and allow for heated conversations to be cooled and more productive and meaningful conversations to occur. A little bit of a silence is not always an awkward moment!
Happy Listening!